Thank you to Dr Victoria Woodman for this article, which was first presented at the British Commission of Military History, Theatres of War, New Researchers in Military History Conference, University Of Lancaster, Lancaster.Victoria completed a PhD at the University of Portsmouth ‘Falklands Royal Navy Wives: fulfilling a militarised stereotype or articulating individuality? This thesis demonstrated that the wives were not the homogeneous and stereotypical group portrayed in the media at the time, but individuals experiencing specific effects of conflict. The research offered new insight on the conflict whilst widening the scope of the gender, social, cultural and military history of the Falklands Conflict.
She has a BA (Hons) History and a MA Maritime Studies and has taught on both undergraduate and MA degree courses at the University of Portsmouth. She has also taught both A Level History and Politics at a FE college. Victoria was the chair at the Society for Nautical Research (South) from 2010-2013 and volunteers for both the Royal British Legion Poppy Appeal and Veterans Outreach Support. She can be found on Twitter at @v_woodman.
This paper will examine the effects that participating in the Falklands conflict had on the wives of naval veterans of the Falklands Conflict. All the 50 women interviewed for the research remarked that the experience had affected their husbands in some way. The affects ranged from becoming withdrawn, drinking more alcohol, becoming moody, not wanting to talk about the conflict, suffering from nightmares and reacting to loud noises. The nature of these changes in the veterans was diverse.
In recent years the application of the effects of war has become topical and a source of media interest as well as a legitimate topic for academic study. There is no simple definition of war trauma, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) yet a debate about the legitimacy of the concept of the disorder and what constitutes normal or abnormal stress continues.1 When the wives interviewed for this research were first experiencing changes in their husbands on their return from the Falklands, PTSD was not widely discussed or understood. The women were untrained and dealing with the issues privately at home, becoming combat victims according to oral historian Jo Stanley, the women who become carers are ‘often the involuntary ‘witnesses’ of traumatic memories, and, as such, suffer doubly from war’s side-effects’.2
The support received by veterans from their wives has rarely been officially acknowledged, the services are poor at recognising female support. Many take an important role in the care of their husbands for many years, providing practical and emotional support. all but four out the fifty women respondents who were interviewed for this research had stated that their husbands had displayed at least one change in their behaviour or personality since partaking in the Falklands conflict. It was also documented that all the women had suffered themselves, the effects ranging from stress, depression and panic attacks, to being diagnosed with PTSD.
The Falklands veterans returned as heroes, although most of them did not want that status, or thought they could live up to it. The early British studies concerned soldiers (this was because of Operation Banner, the operational name for the British Armed Forces operation in Northern Ireland, which was primarily from the British Army) who were still serving five years on; they had not been acknowledged as disabled. Perhaps they did not see themselves as ill, or decided not to complain, believing what they felt was normal, or they felt themselves as ill, or decided not to complain, believing what they felt was normal, or they felt no one could help. Many stayed in the military as they had the support of their friends who had experienced similar trauma. Major (retired) Roy Brook welfare officer ex-services mental welfare society, postulated that up to a quarter of all Falklands veterans could have been suffering from, being treated for, or recovering from PTSD, but the true numbers may never be known.3 If all these veterans were suffering, what did that mean for their families?
An article by the psychologist’s K. J. Burnell. P. J Coleman and N. Hunt in 2006 focused on the role social support played in the reconciliation of traumatic memories of Falkland’s veterans and their perceptions of social support. Using thematic analysis, comradeship was found to be important in terms of maintaining support networks. However, it was found this resource was used to avoid the reconciliation of traumatic memories. Social support from family members was sought when veterans were reassured that relatives would understand their experiences and could support reconciliation. The importance of positive societal reaction was also highlighted. The research for this article was a very small sample, only four respondents, who at the time of the study were still serving members of the Royal Marines and were aged between forty and forty-two.4
The article found that social support was an important subject for the veterans in the study, with three types of support. These were comradeship (during and after the conflict), support from wives/family (family support) and support from society (societal support). The study concluded that:
Falklands War veterans used both comrades and family to support the avoidance of traumatic memories until approximately 20 years after the conflict. It may be that for younger veterans, comrades are seen as ‘family’ within continued service.5
Social support is a complex trend. Wives and families deliver both practical and emotional support, but not as individuals with whom the war could be discussed. Perhaps wives are not suitable audiences; they provide a safe and caring environment, one that the veteran does not want to endanger by discussing emotional issues concerning the war. However, veterans believed comrades would understand their problems. The support received by veterans from their wives has rarely been officially acknowledged, the services have been poor at recognising female support. Many take an important role in the care of their husbands for many years, providing practical and emotional support.
As mentioned, all the respondents suffered either short or long-term effects. Those who suffered long-term with either physical or mental issues had to wait many years to be diagnosed. One of the bereaved respondents was herself diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder ten years after the conflict.6 She described returning to work just three weeks after learning about her young husband’s death: ‘I did not have to return so early but I thought going to work would keep me busy, some normality’.7 However, in later years the respondent realises that ‘I was wrong, I needed time to grieve’. Three months after this his ship returned to port a shipmate was asked to return his belongings. As the respondent was out at work, the shipmate left her deceased husband’s kitbag on the doorstep. Returning home from work the respondent described how ‘stumbling over the kitbag I almost died, I thought [my husband] had come home. When this happened, I just shut down.’8
There were few military charities offering advice to wives in 1982. Mrs A. (M), the bereaved respondent, was aged eighteen in 1982, who had only been married two weeks before her husband sailed, was complimentary about the support she received from the War Widows Association. However, this support related to practical matters; nothing prepared her for the long-term effects of being a Falklands widow. the respondent got stuck in the first phase of grief, ‘shock and disbelief’, mainly, she said, due to not being able to have his body back home. She continued to function, but she said:
Nothing was really going in, and nothing was going out. I only realised I needed to do something about it some 10 years later, when the Gulf War started. By that time I’d remarried and had two beautiful children, but the war meant I had started to relive […] death very specifically. I kept expecting them to come to the door to tell me […] had died all over again.9
The respondent claimed it was only when one of her children asked her why she was crying all the time that she went to the general practitioner and told her what she’d been experiencing. Fortunately, the GP knew someone who dealt specifically with ex-service personnel, so she went to see him, and after some time he confirmed she was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Mrs R. (A) who was married to a chief petty officer said her husband returned from the Falklands a ‘changed man’ and asserted: ‘the actual conflict doesn’t compare to the after effects’.10 This respondent recalled the thirty years of ‘torment’ she had endured, but not once had she considered leaving her husband. She criticised the ‘medical professions over-use of drug therapies’ when she stated that the drugs had changed her husband physically as he ‘had put on a lot of weight with them’. She recounted the number of times she had had to call the police out to her husband when he was threatening ‘to end his life’ and how once she had turned to him and said, ‘okay do it’. Some of the veteran support groups were also criticised by the respondent. She claimed they were not ‘supportive of the wives’ and that they were run by the ‘same paternalistic and chauvinistic men from the armed forces, who viewed women as only being supportive and not allowed to have a mind of their own’. This respondent formed friendships with other veterans’ wives, these women, she said ‘knew exactly what she had to contend with’, even though some men suffered different symptoms, they [the wives] ‘were all living with damaged men’.11
Mrs R. (A), the wife of a chief petty officer with two young children in 1982, had written poems to help her express her experiences but also to ‘be a voice for service and ex-service families who had suffered, and their suffering is never fully realised’.12 This respondent’s husband had been reported missing when his ship was hit in 1982; quite a few hours later it was reported that he in fact was not missing. Her husband was subsequently medically discharged with PTSD in 1987. This respondent stated there are what she believes to be many more ‘Falklands veterans’ who are also the ‘forgotten heroes’; by that she meant the ‘wives, sweethearts, mums, sisters, daughters, sons, brothers and dads of veterans’.13 She described PTSD as being:
Like a fungus that just keeps growing outwards affecting everyone in its path. Sometimes a little breakthrough is made to halt the growth and just when you think it’s dead up it pops again.14
The respondent gave me permission to quote some of her poetry as she publishes under a pen name. Her published poems all describe a sense of searching for something lost and talked about the returning servicemen as being ‘shells’:
A river of tears cannot cleanse
The unseen wound which does not heal
There are more than battlefield shells
So many human shells return home
To the family never to be the same…
Another poem talked about the changes in her husband:
Have you ever felt that your husband is so far away
When he is right next to you
Have you ever felt-why has he changed so much
Have you ever felt-why is he always shouting
Have you ever felt-why is he always drinking
Have you ever felt-why is he always angry
Have you ever felt- why does he always want to be alone
The researcher asked Mrs R. (A) what kind of responses she had received from other wives, she replied that the ‘response has been phenomenal, I already knew a lot of wives from my husband’s ship, they have a very strong ship’s association that meets at least once a year. But after the poems were published, I received letters sent via the publisher from women who said they can understand what I am saying in my words as they have been there too.’15
The research for my thesis was carried out in two stages. Ten of the original respondents agreed to a second more in depth interview. For this the subject of the aftermath of the conflict was discussed again. I asked, ‘when you had any problems after your husband returned, who did you talk to? I recognised here that there would be a difference between who they spoke to at the time, and whom they had approached since, partly because recently there has been a greater understanding from military charities about the effects of war on families, and the ‘rippling’ effect of PTSD.16
On their husbands’ return, all the wives (10/10) said that they had spoken to other military wives and friends about their husbands and any concerns they had about their behaviour. None of the wives had approached official channels, such as their doctor, or any naval welfare charities. Furthermore, eight out of ten said they had not spoken to either their parents or their in-laws. One fiancée said she ‘had no contact with any organisations’, as she was not married at the time. This respondent went on to say:
When X first returned in 1982 I didn’t talk to anyone, I would describe my feelings then as being numb, but he was home and I, we, had a wedding to plan. I didn’t talk to my family about my feelings, [pause] I suppose I didn’t want to worry them. I have since found out that veterans do not often display symptoms of PTSD until 10, 15 even 20 years after the conflict, war situation. So [pause] like many others X did not show any signs on his return. 17
Another respondent, who was thirty-five in 1982 with three children but subsequently divorced her husband, had previously said she had seen no signs of PTSD when she was married to her husband. However, following their divorce, she thought about ten years after the war, he started to display signs of depression and anxiety. She said originally it was not diagnosed, but five years or so after it was. She said her husband also started to drink a lot. This respondent talked about who she talked to when she first noticed a change in her husband’s behaviour:
Initially I spoke to no one… when X came out of the navy it was difficult for him to adjust. When I did realise there was an issue, I [pause] I spoke to my eldest son. He had friends whose fathers had suffered after the war and they suggested maybe X needed some help. The thing is he had to see he needed help too.18
During Stage 1 interviews, one respondent who was a full-time teacher with two sons at the time of the conflict had stated that her husband had suffered some anxiety problems after returning from the Falklands. Her husband had known some of the men lost on the other ships. Mrs. I had noted that the men had no support or briefing when they returned, it was leave and then back to work. She had previously stated that her husband had been diagnosed with suffering from survivor guilt. This respondent, when asked to whom she talked, said:
… initially I spoke to friends, some other naval wives I was friendly with, we were all having coffee one morning, and I think we were all worried but, well you know, no one wanted to be the first to say anything, once one woman did, well we all said there had been changes in the men when they returned.19
When asked why they did not talk to family, a wife who was twenty-three at the time of the Falklands, and married to a chief petty officer, claimed there were two reasons for her: ‘I didn’t want to worry my family, my husband hadn’t experienced mood swings before, and I guess I hoped it would go away’. Also, ‘I didn’t think they would understand, both sets of parents had never gone through anything like this, why would they understand?’20 One fiancée said, ‘When X first returned in 1982, I didn’t talk to anyone, I would describe my feelings then as being numb’. She was just glad that he had returned safely, and they could plan their wedding. She discovered later that ‘veterans do not often display symptoms of PTSD until 10, 15 even 20 years after the conflict, war situation. So [pause] like many others X did not show any signs on his return.’21
However, years after the conflict, all interviewees acknowledged seeking help and support from veterans’ charities or mental health practitioners. The level of support varied from an officer’s wife who was thirty-four at the time, whose degree of support was ‘just having someone to talk to’, to a wife who had been an eighteen-year-old fiancée, who later needed support for both her and her husband.22 She admitted ‘needing mental health support for myself, as I had suffered from an eating disorder caused by stress and anxiety’, to receiving care and respite for my husband from Combat Stress’. She also said that ‘more recently my husband had joined various veterans’ groups who offer such activities as woodturning and exercise-based activities, as a way of getting some self-esteem and confidence back’. She added that ‘where we live now has no local meetings, but I can message them if, when things are bad, and I just need someone to talk to.’23 This respondent also mentioned the charity The Ripple Pond, stating she found ‘they were very friendly and gave me a lot of advice on people and agencies to approach for support for me and the children, I found they were better at offering support for the wives than some other military charities, as with most of them they are still geared towards helping the men first’.24 One respondent mentioned how the naval welfare and military charities were unprepared for the effects of war on both the veterans and their families:
…I think in 1982, well umm none of the military charities or groups were really aware of how the war would affect those who took part, or their families. I am not excusing them, it just was not known. The British Legion could help with things like, well legal advice and suchlike, but when it was mental health and emotional trauma, well they were not well umm they were not well equipped for it.25
When asked how the wives felt about the support available for them, both in 1982 and now, they were unanimous in stating that there is now increased awareness of the effects of PTSD on families, but getting the support was and is not always easy. In 1982, one respondent felt that:
…we the wives’ umm we were invisible. I am not saying some people did not work hard on our behalf, especially during the conflict, you know welfare trying to keep us informed of what was going on. And of course, when the ship was hit they had the unenviable task of contacting the families of those lost or injured, and of course worried parents and wives calling to check if their loved ones were safe. Now, well now, the armed forces and some charities and umm [pause] well some in the community are more aware of the psychological effects of war, and I hope the effect on those around them. This is not just our, well I mean umm our problem, it is societies, you send men to war you have to have some support in place when the men try to live with the side effects. I would like to think [pause] well in future wars the support would be there, but I fear it will not be.26
Another former wife said in 1982:
…the families were forgotten, hidden, we were there as support, but that was it. I know there was support there, living on a married quarter I was aware of that, but sometimes it was, I thought, because they had…not wanted to. Some of the welfare people were, what you would call dry, you know unemotional, rational, I guess they had to be, but to some women that time was well a very emotional time. Now, now I feel the families are much better served, you know they get information and there is a lot of support, if you want it. Of course, technology plays a part on that too, it is easier to reach a wide area with the internet, and enhanced phones, they don’t have to physically visit people. And, and well information is available, who to contact….27
A respondent who was a full-time teacher with two sons aged ten and seven in 1982 acknowledged the lack of support for families but recognised that this had now changed:
In 1982, well I don’t think anyone knew what would happen, and if they did they umm well they weren’t prepared. What support there was, which was little, well you had to go and find it. Now, well there are leaflets given to families, and contact information and I suppose with the internet, well it’s so much easier to find information. The military are also more aware of the effects of war on veterans and families.28
One respondent, who was engaged to a chief petty officer in 1982, revealed:
I have tried to seek help and support for myself. There is a long waiting list for counselling, and although I have visited such places as Veteran’s Outreach Support, who have been great, but they are [only] available one day a month, what do I do all the other days when my husband has a panic attack, or is in a depressive mood?’29
This respondent’s opinions were reflected in a 2017 poll by the Soldiers, Sailors and Air Force Association (SSAFA), where it was revealed that 7/10 people interviewed for the survey believed that Britain does not do enough for the armed forces, or their families. 30
In conclusion The Stage 2 data for my research examined the concept of the aftermath in greater detail to deduce richer and in-depth data. All ten wives re-interviewed stated they had spoken to other military wives and friends about changes in their husbands’ behaviour. Initially all the women stated they had not sought help from doctors or other official channels, such as military welfare charities. However, over time all the wives did approach veteran’s charities or mental health practitioners. What is not clear is why the change; why did they seek help when they did? Was it because their husband’s behaviour got worse over time? Or, were the military organisations and health practitioners more active in promoting their services? One respondent who was aged twenty-three at the time of the conflict claimed that in 1982, when the men returned, the military charities and groups were unaware of the effects on men and families. This respondent claimed that organisations such as The British Legion at that time could help with legal advice ‘…but when it came to mental health and emotional trauma well, they were not well umm they were not well equipped for it.31
The Stage 2 data also revealed emotional and personal memories when all the wives were asked what support was available to them in 1982. The women all agreed there is growing awareness on the effects of PTSD on both veterans and families, but getting support was and is not always easy. One respondent claimed that in 1982 ‘we. The wives were invisible’.32 Whereas another respondent stated that in 1982 she ‘thought no one cared about the families, we were just there, I mean at times I felt we were a hindrance to them’.33
It is clear that veterans do not recover from PTSD, but they can be given the support and treatment to learn to live with it. There is still much to be done to enable those who live with the effects of war, the wives/husbands/partners and families, to be able to live and know the best ways to deal with, their returning member of the armed forces. It has long been known that the military is said to function better with a knowledge that its servicemen and women have a good support network at home. If home is so fundamental to the smooth running of the military machine, then its constituents should be protected and supported when things do not go to plan.
References
- Edgar Jones and Simon Wessely, Shell Shock to PTSD: Military Psychology from 1900 to the Gulf War (Hove: Psychology Press, 2005), 171.
- Jo Stanley, Involuntary Commemorations: Post-traumatic stress disorder and its relationship to war commemoration in The Politics of War Memory and Commemoration edited by. T. G. Ashplant, Graham Dawson and Michael Roper (London: Routledge, 2000), 240-259, 252.
- Ibid. 172.
- K. J. Burnell, P. G. Coleman, and N. Hunt, ‘Falklands War veteran’s perceptions of social support and the reconciliation of traumatic memories’, Aging and Mental Health 10 (3) (2006); 282-289, 282.
- Ibid 288.
- Mrs A., interview by V. Woodman March 11, 2011. During the interview she asked for me to use her words.
- Ibid.
- Ibid. She stressed she felt no ‘malice’ towards the young sailor who had followed orders and brought her husband’s belongings home stating it was just pure lack of thought about the effect it would have on her.
- Ibid.
- Mrs R., interview by V. Woodman, December 12, 2012
- Ibid.
- Ibid.
- Ibid.
- Ibid.
- Mrs R. (A), interview by V. Woodman, December 3, 2012.
- These include Soldiers, Sailors and Air Force Association (SSAFA), Combat Stress, Combat PTSD Angels and The Ripple Pond, the last two founded by wives and mothers of PTSD suffering veterans. The rippling effect denotes the effect of PTSD on those people around the suffering veteran, wives, families and friends.
- Mrs H. (K), interview by V. Woodman, June 3, 2017.
- ]Mrs C. (P), interview by V. Woodman, April 23, 2017.
- Mrs I. (K), interview by V. Woodman, July 8, 2017.
- Mrs R. (A), interview by V. Woodman, April 8, 2017.
- Mrs H. (K), interview by V. Woodman, June 3, 2017.
- Mrs I. (K), interview by V. Woodman, July 8, 2017.
- Mrs H. (K), interview by V, Woodman, June 3, 2017. Combat Stress is the UK’s leading charity for veterans’ mental health.
- Mrs H. (K), interview by V. Woodman, June 3, 2017.
- Mrs R. (A), interview by V. Woodman, April 8, 2017.
- Mrs R. (A), interview by V. Woodman, April 8, 2017.
- Mrs C. (P), interview by V. Woodman, April 23, 2017.
- Mrs I. (K), interview by V. Woodman, July 8, 2017.
- Mrs A. (C), interview by V. Woodman, July 12, 2017.
- Britain does not do enough for its armed forces https://www.ssafa.org.uk/britain-does-not-do-enough-its-armed-forces-poll-reveals accessed August 20, 2017.
- Mrs R. (A), interview by V. Woodman, April 8, 2017.
- Ibid.
- Mrs I. (S) interview by V. Woodman June 10, 2017.
